Rory, this way

Personal · 2026-07-30

Rory, Rory, come on... be good, girl, you stay with me, come on this way... good girl. Sorry, one sec, I was mid thought there and she's wandered off again. Anyway, where was I. Right, yeah. Shipping. Or not shipping, in my case.

A few startups now that haven't worked. Noctem being the obvious one, because I set that up to run a team when I reckoned esports was on its way back up, and it didn't work out. Nothing was fundamentally wrong in how I did it, if I'm honest with myself. I just hadn't built any longevity into it, and I wanted it so badly that I wasn't thinking straight.

Rory. This way. Good girl.

I'd like to say the failures don't bother me. They do, and I know they do. That's probably the first honest thing I've said out loud about it.

Here's the actual fear, and it's a stupid one when I say it out loud: I share something new and people think, oh here he goes again, another one for the pile. That thought holds me back more than any actual failure has. Worrying what people think is, I reckon, the real root of most of this. Not the failing itself. The being seen failing again.

So what happens is I over-polish. I sit on things because I don't want anyone thinking I can't do UX, can't do design, so instead of letting something out looking a bit rough I hold onto it until it's, I don't know, "complete" (probably too complete, if there's such a thing). And if it ends up feeling hollow by then, I just won't post it at all.

I've also caught myself, and this is a weird one to admit, hoping people find my stuff without realising it's mine. Which is completely backwards and I know it's backwards. Working on that.

Paws of London did well when it launched, actually did quite well on LinkedIn, and instead of leaning into that I let myself get pulled somewhere else, which is just what I — Rory. This way. This way. Look, what's this. ...Good girl. Right. Sorry, I got distracted. Whatever I was about to say there, it's gone.

I never ask for help either. I know I should. I don't.

I'm trying to get better at celebrating small wins, because historically I've been rubbish at it, like properly rubbish, I finish something and immediately go right, next. No pause. No, that was good, well done. Just onto the next idea before the last one's even settled.

Anyway. Come on, this way. Good girl.